Welcome back to the finest (and drunkest) corner of the internet, home of the darling and daring sensation known as Am I the Literary Asshole? If you’re a first time reader, we’re a bimonthly advice column that tackles all the literary gossip that’s fit to print (and let’s be honest, even some that isn’t). I’m your host, Kristen Arnett, and I’m certainly grateful to be here with you today. It’s always a pleasure to be amongst pals, am I right? It’s not about the literary gossip, it’s about the friends we made along the way.

And nothing says friendship like sharing a pitcher of beer! Let’s pour out a few and get to reading.

Onto our first question of the day, and it’s a doozy:

I’m in a profession that produces its fair share of ink. Things ranging from how-tos to memoirs to niche academic texts. Some months ago I joined (or thought I joined) a writing group that was proposed as being for members of this profession. The notice I responded to described the group in this way: “Whether you are … newer or well established in your career, writing about (work) situations including your own feelings brings awareness and unseen possibilities to light. …this facilitated group includes opportunities to use prompts for in-group writing and sharing that writing with others.”

I had one phone conversation with the group facilitator and she explained to me the structure, cost and frequency of the group. From the conversation I got a flavor of who was already in the group: these would be professionals who had many more years of experience than me and who had undergone a specific type of (expensive, lengthy, niche) training that I have not had. I knew I wanted to join the group but I wondered if others in the group would want to spend time with someone less experienced and from another background.

So in this same conversation I made an effort to represent myself honestly and accurately. I clearly expressed my concerns about whether it would be a good fit. The facilitator waved away my concerns, saying that she thought I’d be a great fit and giving me a warm welcome. Since there was a fee for the group I figured that the facilitator held power to make these decisions. I was also aware that some of the long-time members of the group were leaving and imagined that this might make existing members more open to newcomers. The group had a hiatus and so it was several months between this conversation with the facilitator and the first meeting. I was truly looking forward to this group, eagerly blocking off time in my calendar and turning down other opportunities.

This could’ve been a story of seasoned elders welcoming a new voice into their fold. But instead after the first meeting I was told that I was not welcome to come back. The crime? Well, true to its description this first group meeting included a prompt for “in-group writing and sharing that writing with others.” As I have been instructed in other writing groups with prompts I interpreted this as a free-writing exercise. Before I shared I asked the group if we were sharing our unfiltered unedited drafts and was encouraged to proceed.

After the group I received an email from the facilitator. She asked me what I had thought of the group. I told her i had enjoyed the group and was open to any feedback or concerns about my being in the group. She then told me that I was not a good fit as my writing was “raw” and not “professional.” She said that I would not have to pay for this first group as it was considered a “trial.”